Kathy's Relationship Ezine

A Message from Kathy
I often read articles written by so-called experts who recommend new ways to date. As they point out, the divorce rate remains high and second (or third) marriages fail even more often than first marriages. We obviously don't do a very good job of choosing a partner.

Our current ideas about dating and choosing a partner just aren't working. I totally agree that the way most of us date and choose partners is faulty. The way most men and women go about dating doesn't get them what they really want. What they want is a lifetime marriage filled with love and committment. What they get instead are marriages that break up within the first 8 years, having to raise kids by themselves, and the fear and loathing that come with having to start dating again after their divorce.

I DON'T agree that we need to find some new way to date and select our partners. I already know what works and what doesn't.

Rather than trying one of these new fad ways to date, why not go back to what’s worked in the past? We have a system that has worked for decades. It will still work today. Here's the strategy: don’t limit yourself by dating just one person at a time. Amazingly, this is fairly controversial today, but it shouldn't be.

You can date around without sleeping around. Dating multiple people is just a form of comparison shopping. How can you make a choice if you date only one person? Dating several people simultaneously will help you compare more intelligently so that you can weed out the ones who are not right for you. Then you can concentrate on the ones who could be right for you. My new book, "Relationship Remorse" has more information on this.

Stop wasting months, or even years, on the wrong person. If you are really about wanting to find a life-long partner, the fastest way to do so is to ‘parallel date’. Dating several people at once until you find the one you want to concentrate on is the best way. Choosing the best match from a group of possibilities is smart, not slutty.

Live well, love well,

Kathy
P.S. Did you know that many relationship columnists and advice givers are not who they say they are? Some use pen names. Others are corporate fronts for some anonymous writer who may have no qualifications to give relationship advice.

I am a real relationship coach who has helped hundreds of men and women with their relationship issues. I am a woman, and my name really is Kathy. And, I have been happily married to the same man for more than 25 years. Ask some of the other relationship/marriage coaches how long they've been married and how many divorces they've had. Then decide if their advice is credible.

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Kathy's New Book is Here. "Relationship Remorse: Mistakes Women Make When Shopping for a Man"

Are you single and still looking for the love of your life? The days and years roll by, and you're wondering "Will I ever find someone?" You're tired of relationships that look promising in the beginning, but end in heartbreak and misery. Sometimes you wonder if there are still any good men out there. You feel like just giving up and not trying any more. This book can help you.

I wrote this book to help single women (and men) find the long term, loving relationship they've been looking for. While not all relationships are going to last forever, my goal is to help you learn a better way of dating and choosing your relationships. By learning to be a better chooser in the beginning, you can eliminate the people who are not right for you and spend your time looking for the ones who could be right for you. Ultimately, you will find the right partner more quickly and without the heartache of going from one failed relationship to another.

This book is written for single women and men who are looking for a lasting relationship full of love and committment. You deserve to be happy, and this book can help.

Dear Kathy,
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I really love him and we get along great. But he is emotionally distant and won't open up to me. My friends say that all men are like that. How do I get him to be more affectionate and romantic?

Amy

Dear Amy,
Let's see if I have this right. You chose this boyfriend 2 years ago, and now you want him to be someone different? Why not find a boyfriend who is already what you want in a man? Turn this around. What if this boyfriend now wants you to be LESS affectionate and romantic? Would you change your whole personality to please him? I didn't think so.

You've been with this guy for 2 years and his behavior hasn't changed. That makes perfect sense to me because adults generally do not change. What you choose not to see is what you get. Rather than trying to get him to change, you need to face reality. Look at what he's really saying to you, not with words, but by his behavior. That's just the way he is.

You also may be assuming too much in the relationship. Maybe he just isn't into your relationship as much as you are. Whatever the reason is, you're not happy with the way things are. Just know that all men are NOT like that. If you want more romance and affection in your relationship, find someone who is affectionate and romantic. Those men are out there, and they'd love to meet you. A common complaint I get from men is that their wives/girlfriends are cold and distant. This is not a case where opposites attract. Your perfect partner is going to be affectionate with you. So you have to decide how many more months and even years you're willing to waste with this guy to see if he magically changes into the boyfriend you want him to be. Or you can move on now and start looking for someone who is more caring and loving with you. What do you think is the smart move here?

Coach Kathy

Have a relationship question? ask Kathy yourself. Your name and specific question will not be used in this newsletter or onmy website. Your information will be kept confidential.

Teleclasses are telephone conference calls on specific topics. They are led by one or two instructors or leaders. To join the class, all participants dial a common phone number, called a bridgeline, at the specified time.

Classes last one hour. The format can be lecture, interview, or presenter/discussion. In each class, however, participants come away with new information presented in the comfort and convenience of their homes or offices.

• Fearless First Dates

Recently divorced and having to start dating again? Has someone online asked to meet you? Your questions answered about meeting someone for the first time. What to do, what to say, and how to get away.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007 8:00-9:00 pm ET

Register here

• Stop Fighting-Start Communicating for Couples

Is your marriage one big battleground? Or is it more like the Cold War? Either way, why spend the rest of your life like that? Learn better communication skills to resolve issues and be understood.

Tuesday November 27, 2007 8:00-9:00 pm ET

Register here

Kathy is a professional relationship coach. In addition to her formal training she has worked with hundreds of men and women. Kathy has appeared on numerous radio programs as a relationship expert. In addition, she has written more than 100 articles on various relationship topics that are important to both Singles and Couples. She and her husband Alan-also a coach- conduct live relationship seminars for both Singles and Couples aboard cruise ships and at luxury tropical resorts.

To work with Kathy to find the love of your life,
contact her.

Are you single, but still looking? Are you married and unhappy? No matter what your relationship situation is, we can help. You don't have to be lonely or miserable. You can find your life partner and create a life filled with love. Make the decision right now to take action. You deserve to have love and happiness in your life.

Let us know how we can help and support you. Our services include:

• Our weekly ezine with relationship tips and advice
• free and paid teleclasses on relationship issues for singles and couples
• relationship articles you can read for helpful ideas
• our bookstore with book reviews to read before you buy
• personal coaching with Kathy for specific help

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